Thoughts And Feelings
by Moon Princess Serena
Summary: We all have feelings that are mastered by our thoughts... [Shonen ai, 1x2, 3x4]
1. Prologue

"Thoughts And Feelings" Prologue

Title: Thoughts And Feelings  
Author: Me ^-^  
Notes: Angst, Sappy, Romantic  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy.  
  
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Standing on the large cliff, overlooking the large deep dark blue ocean that swells and crashes against the rocky edge pulling away some of the rock's faces, Heero Yuy is thinking. Thinking about how his life has developed and changed over the years as he grew older. Only still in his younger years, seventeen, he felt older then the oldest man. He has seen war come and go; he lived it, breathed it, and fought it. Now with it gone he has nothing left to live for, or so he thought.

Sitting in a casual manner, a manner only he could achieve, Duo Maxwell laughed. His gentle manner of humor flowed through him on to those around him. His humor old yet his body young at seventeen. He made lit of his past, his past that was torn by war. A war that almost cost him his soul. He made many jokes about that war. Did he find it funny or was he hiding among them? He had so much yet to do, but to do alone. Was it worth the energy just to be alone? But would he remain alone?


	2. Chapter 1

"Thoughts And Feelings" Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy.  
  
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Ringing the bell Duo shifted nervously from his left foot to his right, causing his long braid to spay gently against his back. The brown hair clashed with his light blue shirt. His bangs jumped over his forehead to land just above his large violet eyes. The large door before him opened. An older man stood looking upon him. Duo flashed him a quick smile. While the man eyed him suspiciously.

"I'm Duo Maxwell," Duo smiled. The man continued his stare. "I'm here to visit Quatre Winner," he explained as to why he was standing at the mansion door.

"A minute sir," the older gentleman spoke with a southern drawl Duo found unidentifiable. The butler turned and spoke quickly to a younger gentleman, who was still older than Duo. The young servant hurried from the doorway into the depths of the house. Clouds rolled over the sky, over Duo's head. The young servant soon reappeared and spoke at length with the butler. The butler turned back to Duo and gestured him in. Duo walked through the large archway entering the mansion.

"Duo!" a voice called out to him. Looking ahead Duo caught sight of a boy with platinum blond hair, who stood just shorter then himself. His eyes a bright blue that bounced happily at seeing his friend. Soon Duo found himself enwrapped in two soft arms. "You came."

"Sure, you invited me so I took you up on the offer," Duo smiled returning the hug.

"Trowa went out to the store," the boy told him.

"Oh, I didn't know Trowa was coming here," Duo thought out loud.

"I invited all four of you, didn't I," the boy told him.

"Even Heero?" Duo spoke before he thought.

"Yeah I invited him right before you," a smile crossed the boy's face.

"Why are you smiling like that Quatre?" Duo eyed him suspiciously.

"No reason, you just had this gleam in your eyes when you said his name," Quatre continued to smile.

"That's insane, why would I act like that. We were barely friends. He never returned my favors or even said thank you. He is so cold how could anyone like him, the perfect solider," Duo said the end with sarcasm.

"Oh there is something there," Quatre drew out.

"What?? You are crazy! I can't stand that boy," Duo almost screamed.

"Quatre is not crazy," a voice said behind Duo. Quatre's face lit up and he ran around Duo into the arms of a boy their age. He was taller then both he and Quatre. His arms and legs were lanky as he slid them around the blond. His dirt brown hair done in a strange style, it hung over his right eye concealing it completely.

"Trowa, he doesn't mean that. He's just avoiding the truth," Quatre told the boy looking into the face above him.

"Oh," Trowa spoke shortly.

"He won't admit that there is something deep inside that feels something for another pilot," Quatre explained to a question that wasn't asked.

"Oh you mean Heero," Trowa responded.

"You too," Duo's jaw dropped, "What are you two thinking? No one could like that boy, he's so cold."

"You're right," Trowa said looking at Quatre who hugged his hip.

"Told you," Quatre taunted.

"Whatever, you both a very wrong," Duo continued with his stubborn thoughts.

"Well see," Trowa spoke handing the bags he carried to one of the servants standing near them.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Duo eyed him.

"Nothing," Trowa said looking back down at Quatre. Quatre looked up at him and smiled, as if a silent agreement was made between them. Duo looked on his eyes wide as he had been left out of this agreement.

"Come on I'll show you around," Quatre said to him leaving Trowa's side.

"Okay," Duo spoke slowly still unsure. After someone took Duo's bags, Quatre started down the hall. Duo took step in behind him and headed down a dimly lit hallway.


	3. Chapter 2

"Thoughts And Feelings" Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy.  
  
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While on Quatre's tour Duo noticed that Trowa had disappeared off somewhere unknown. As Duo looked around him at the statues that decorated the halls and the many doors. Quatre startled him by speaking of something that didn't have anything to do with his mansion.

"Why won't you admit your feelings, again?" he asked almost like it was a statement made in a normal conversation. It took Duo by surprise and he lost the words to speak.

"Duo?" he said stopping and turning around.

"Uh. Where is Trowa?" Duo finally managed to say.

"Oh he just went off to make a call. Now back to my question," Quatre answered. 

"Why should I admit to a lie," Duo spoke sharply.

"But it's not. I can tell it's not," Quatre sighed.

"It that why you asked me here," Duo spoke sharply again.

"No! I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you angry. I was only trying to help," Quatre apologized quickly.

"Well don't. Let's finish the tour. I really like you home," Duo said dropping the subject, at least verbally. Inside his brain still debated why Quatre would think that. They continued to walk as Quatre pointed out stuff he found interesting or important. Duo was only half-paying attention.

"Here is the dinning room. This is where we will eat."

Duo looking into the large room where a grand table sat surrounded by chairs. They continued on to see the library, several rooms, the inside garden. When they came upon the large ballroom Quatre again gave him a surprise.

"Here is the Grand Ballroom. Usually this is where I hold my bigger affairs. Maybe we can have a party here sometime. Let you and Heero get out there and dance. Maybe have a nice slow dance together," Quatre said giggling at his own comment. Duo just stared at him, his eyes wide and his face flush.

Trowa rejoined them almost unnoticed towards the end of the tour.

"Where did you come from?" Duo asked noticing him next to Quatre.

"Back there," he responded pointed behind them.

"Oh aren't we funny," Duo rolled his eyes. Quatre giggle at the response.

"Why did you disappear?" Duo asked him.

"Oh I had something to do," he remarked wrapping his arm around Quatre's waist and looking deep into the blonde's eyes. Quatre nodded a silent reply.

"Are you two together?" Duo asked them casually. Neither Quatre nor Trowa responded they just looked at him. "Okay."

"Yes," Trowa finally answered the question.

"Oh. Is that why uh never mind," Duo started to say, realizing that the question would bring his feeling up again as a topic, he didn't finish the sentence.

"Is that why what?" Quatre wondered.

"Oh nothing, just never mind," Duo tried to end the topic before it started.

"He is taking about why you think there is something there for Heero," Trowa stated reading Duo's mind.

"Oh no. I just saw it in your eyes and actions," Quatre explained to Duo.

"Could we just drop this subject," Duo's voice was shaky.

"It's okay. It's hard for someone to admit their feelings," Quatre smiled.

"What feelings? I have none for that boy!" Duo wanted to scream only he just raised his voice.

"Calm down Duo," Quatre tried to sooth Duo's emotions.

"Duo why don't you just think about it before you really decide," Trowa interjected.

"Think about it, there is absolutely nothing to think about. He treats everyone he knows like scum. I don't see how that girl likes him," Duo remarked sharply.

"Oh you mean Relena. She doesn't, she has finally moved on to someone else to infatuate over," Quatre answered him.

"You mean she developed a brain. To bad for him," Duo wanted to laugh.

"Duo think about it," Quatre coaxed him.

"Think about it! Quit telling me to think about it! There is nothing to think about. He is the most insensitive boy ever known. He doesn't even give gratitude for help. I must repeat myself, I have no feelings for that wretched boy!" Duo's anger was getting the better of him.

"What boy?" came from behind him. Duo slowly turned around. His eyes locked with a pair of prussian blue. They looked deep into him, into his soul. The pools drowned him in there blue depths.


	4. Chapter 3

"Thoughts And Feelings" Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy.  
  
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Duo felt a shiver creep down his spine as he drowned in the pools of blue. The eyes spurted emotions the face locked away. Finally Duo towed his eyes away to look at the rest. He was of average height but still stood taller then Duo. His short brown hair spiked down, some covering his face. He was a small boy, like he barely ate in his life. Again his eyes met those of azure they never wavered. While Duo felt his own flinch. Under the heavy stare Duo could feel himself falter.

"Heero," came a soft voice Duo almost didn't recognize as his own.

"Hello Duo," he replied. Duo then noticed it; the voice had changed since the war ended. It was softer the tone not as cold. Was there another side to Heero that Duo never learned about during the war?

"Hi," he again said softly.

"I would like to thank you for all your help during the war," Heero said his eyes still locked on Duo's.

"Thank me?" Duo spoke meekly as the shock overtook him.

"Duo you were the one person to try and be my friend. Only I responded with cold indifference. I am sorry," Heero continued.

"Sorry?" the meek voice continued. Heero's face then suddenly changed, his eyes grew tense and cold. Duo couldn't believe what had been said.

"Duo," a voice called to him. Duo's eyes jumped open. 'Was it all a dream?' Then Duo remembered where he was. He came to Quatre's mansion, for a visit. Quatre and Trowa gave him a tour and Heero did show up. Only he wasn't so nice. 'He acted like I didn't exist. Our eyes did lock so why didn't he act like I wasn't there. How could I have feelings for that thing? But I do. Even though I would never admit it to Quatre and Trowa, What is going to happen with him here? Will I turn into some baka?'

"Duo," the voice called to again.

"It's unlocked come in," Duo called to the door. The large chamber door opened and a blonde entered.

"Breakfast will be ready soon," Quatre told him.

"Oh okay, I'll be down in a few," Duo smiled back.

"Okay," Quatre smiled leaving the room. The morning seemed happier then it was originally thought. Duo didn't seem to be mad, it fact he sounded happy, about the events of the day before. 

Upon looking out the windows anyone could tell Mother Nature wasn't as happy as the house seemed. She had blown up a storm. Only this was no ordinary storm. The wind alone pushed treetops to the ground. The rain poured out of the dark sky. It was also a sudden storm coming out of no where to release it's fury. 

Duo stood from the warm soft bed and leisurely walked over to the bags he had brought. Unzipping them he pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans and a light blue, short sleeve shirt. Slipping the clothes on over his boxers. Walking out of the room, he whistled while walking down the hall. Just as he passed the room where Heero stayed, the door opened. His tune stopped as his eyes again locked with those cerulean pools. What looked back was nothing to friendly. In fact it was very cold and hateful.

'He will never like me, oh how I have loved him. Why must I fall in love with someone so cold? How did I fall in love with someone so hateful? But I do love him and nothing he does, hateful or cold, will stop that love.' Duo could feel himself grow weak in the knees as Heero stared him down. Duo's thought got lost in the murky depths of those stormy eyes. Suddenly the trance was broken as Heero looked away down the hall beyond Duo. Pulling his door shut Heero walked past Duo and down the large hallway. 'He must be going to eat too.'

"So what made you decided to drop by?" Duo asked taking step next to him. He tried to keep his voice calm but it wasn't easy. He was given no response, not anything, not even a snort or nod.

"Heero...;" Duo tried to say something but he couldn't seem to finish the sentence as Heero had turned to him and stared at him with those sapphire orbs.


	5. Chapter 4

"Thoughts And Feelings" Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy.  
  
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'Why is he looking at me that way? Why did he even turn in the first place?' Duo could feel those prussian blue eyes probe into him as if they were searching for something. 'What is he looking for? What am I looking for? A sign of something greater than resent or hate? Why does he hate the world so much? How did I fall in love with him? Duo's questions were swimming in his head, if only he had answers to some of them. Suddenly he was brought back to reality by a cold voice that popped his balloon of thought.

"What?" it asked bitterly.

"Na Na Nothing," Duo choked out. He knew his previous question would remain unanswered. Only now he had to survive Heero's brutal stare.

"Fine," it returned. Then Heero turned and continued down the hall disappearing around a corner. Duo couldn't move, he couldn't even think to breathe. Duo forced himself to move forward. He walked slowly through the white winding hallways to the large doors that opened into the large dinning hall. He gently pushed one of the doors open. Poking his head in he saw Trowa and Quatre sitting together while Heero sat alone on the other side of the table. Trowa spoke words, while Quatre spoke full sentences. But what surprised Duo was that Heero was speaking in short sentences.

"Duo, come in. Don't hide behind the door," Quatre called to Duo startling him.

"Uh okay," Duo said looking at all the eyes staring at him, even Heero's pools of blue were looking at him. Duo opened the door a little wider and squeezed his small frame through the space. Pushing gently the door clicked shut behind him.

"Have a seat," Quatre offered him. Being they were all huddled on one end there was only one place for Duo to sit, next to Heero. Duo took a big gulp and slowly walked over to the table and empty seat. Pulling it out the chair rubbed against the hard wood floor. He sat down his muscle's tense. Suddenly a burst of laughter escaped his lips. Moments later his hand shot up to his mouth. The three other boys just stared at him.

"I didn't mean to burst out laughing but you all were so quiet like I was royalty or something," Duo said after he caught his breath.

"Well you are important to us," Quatre smiled. "Plus you looked a little shy. Which is very unusual for you. Well that's at least why I was quiet. I don't know about these other two knuckle heads."

"I had nothing to say," Trowa spoke poking Quatre's arm. Heero said nothing, explaining his silence with silence. The rest of breakfast was uneventful as Quatre and Duo spoke, while Trowa and Heero listened. It was had for Duo to remain still as he sat next to Heero. Suddenly Heero spoke, "Quite moving around so much!"

It was more of a command then anything else and it took Duo by surprise causing him to freeze in his chair. Looking over Duo's eyes met Heero's. 'He is staring at me again. Is it to make sure I stop or is he looking at me cause he wants to see me?' Duo couldn't figure it out, even when he tried to read Heero's eyes. He got nothing that would answer his questions.

"What are you staring at?" Duo asked, he just had to.

"Nothing," Heero said, only he still stared at Duo.

"Are you sure?" Duo asked still looking into Heero's eyes. They pulled him in. 'Is he truing to suck my soul out?' Duo wondered. Heero didn't respond to the new question he just turned his head back to look at his food.

"Okay, just ignore me then," Duo said mocking a punch to Heero's arm. Heero moved his arm and body out of the way. Only Duo was already moving in a forward motion and he couldn't stop. He fell into Heero's lap. Quatre started to giggle as Trowa just looked on. Duo inhaled deeply pulling in Heero's scent. He felt his head spinning and his face flush red. Duo knew he had to get up but he didn't want to. He used the table to pull himself up. He could still feel his face burning red.

"Duo why are you blushing?" Quarte asked with another giggle.

"No reason," he tried to play it off.

"Oh, it's not cause of Heero is it?" Quatre asked trying to act all innocent.

"Shut the hell up," Duo said getting up embarrassment consuming him.

"Touchy aren't we?" Trowa threw in. Duo stormed from the room. 'Damn it! I almost blew it in there!' Duo scolded himself. Suddenly he thought he heard the door behind him open. Turning around, the door remained shut. Turning back to face the hallway, Duo was very frustrated. Again he thought he head a door creak open. It was then when he looked back, that he saw a pair of eyes looking at him through a crack. They were a cobalt hue.


	6. Chapter 5

"Thoughts And Feelings" Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy.  
  
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'Why does he keep looking at me, but he says nothing. I don't think I can handle those eyes looking at me all the time.' Suddenly the eyes disappeared as the door opened. Duo quickly turned back around as Quatre, Trowa, and Heero walked through the doorway. Duo's cheeks flushed red as he had been caught in the hall.

"Duo, I'm sorry about earlier," Quatre apologized. Duo started to walk away but a taller boy stood in his path.

"Quatre is apologizing to you, don't just walk away," Trowa told a surprised Duo.

"Trowa it's okay is he walks away. I understand," Quatre told him.

"Well I don't," a voice suddenly spoke. All three looked over at Heero who was staring out the large glass windows.

"What don't you understand?" Quatre asked him.

"Why Duo is acting like a baby," Heero responded.

"A baby! I am not acting like a baby!" Duo yelled enraged by the comment.

"See you're still doing it." Heero said turning around to face them.

'He thinks I am acting like a baby. I can't believe this.' "I am in no way acting like some immature child," Duo told him his voice catching anger.

"Is that why you're always whining, cause you're mature?" Heero asked his eyes ice cold.

'Damn it! Why does he think this way? I want him to love me, but all I am getting is heartlessness.' 

"Shut the hell up. What the hell do you know anyway? You're just some ex-pilot," Duo said without much thought, "You're just as screwed up as the rest of us."

Suddenly as the words echoed in Duo's ears he realized just what he had said. Duo's eyes betrayed his anger as they showed his regret.

"I know one thing," Heero's voice was just as ice cold as his eyes.

'What? What is he talking about? Is he going to crush me with on response? Should I ask him what he knows? Do I even want to hear it? Will he destroy me by muttering a few words?' Duo wasn't sure what to do. He knew that if he didn't ask Heero wouldn't tell, but if he did ask Heero would more then ready to shatter what was left of Duo's hope for love.

"And just what is it you know," the anger fading in his voice. 

'Why am I asking. I don't really want to know. Wait don't tell me!'

"I know that you're in love with me," Heero spoke indifferently. The words entered Duo's ear and that was what he remembered as the world quickly went pitch black.


	7. Chapter 6

"Thoughts And Feelings" Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Duo sat up quickly in bed. It was early evening. The filtered faded rays of the setting sun cast shadows on the hard wood floor. Looking around he was back in his room where he had spent the night. 'How did I get here? Heero said he knew. Does he or was he guessing? If he does then he surely has no feelings back? Oh god what am I going to do now?'

"Heero brought you here," a voice from the doorway said startling Duo. Looking over Trowa was leaning against the frame.

"Heero? What happened?" Duo asked very confused.

"After what Heero said you fainted, but you never touched the floor," Trowa responded.

"I fainted. What do you mean never touch the floor? Did you catch me?" Duo asked.

"Me, no, I was to far away. During your debate with Heero I went and stood by Quatre," Trowa answered.

"So if it wasn't you and I don't think Quatre has the strength Heero?" Duo's eyes widen.

Trowa nodded his head, "he was there before you went limp. Then he brought you back here."

"But I thought he" Duo couldn't finish his sentence.

"Just cause he knows doesn't mean he doesn't like you," Trowa answered. "Heero does stuff his own way, you know that."

"I know he just said it"

"That means nothing and you know it. So don't give up."

Trowa turned and walked away down the hallway. Duo got up from his bed. Leaving the room he saw Trowa at the end of the hall. He followed after the boy.

"Thanks," Duo smiled catching up to him.

"Don't thank me. Thank Quatre," Trowa said walking into the study. 

Duo saw Quatre sitting on a sofa, while Heero sat in the bay window, looking out into the storm that surrounded them.

"Evening Duo," Quatre greeted him. Heero turned his head and looked at him.

"Good evening, and I am sorry about earlier," Duo tried to smile.

"Don't be. Uh Trowa help me with something in the other room," Quatre asked standing up.

"Sure," Trowa agreed. They both left shutting the door behind them. Leaving Duo and Heero alone in the room. Duo wasn't sure what to say.

"You seemed surprised I know," Heero spoke looking back out the window.

"Well I am," Duo responded still standing in the same place.

"Why? You flaunt it all the time," Heero told him.

"I do? No I don't," Duo tried to keep his voice down.

"Yes you do. Example one, you are always staring at me, in my eyes. Example two, you talk to me even though I was mean to you. Example three, you blushed deeply when you fell into my lap. Should I go on?" Heero supplied.

"Uh no. You noticed all that?" Duo wondered.

"I notice everything," Heero responded, "about you."

Duo's eyes grew very large. He found himself staring at Heero who had turned back to him. Suddenly Heero stood up. Duo involuntarily jumped. 'Did that mean what I thought it did?' Duo blinked for an instant and upon opening his eyes Heero was standing not two inches from him.

"He Hee Heero" Duo stammered out.

"Just shut up," Heero told him. His arms wrapped around Duo's small waist and pulled the boy in close to him. Duo inhaled trying to catch his breath only he caught Heero's masculine scent. He couldn't resist his arms just lay flat against Heero's hands. Heero's sapphire orbs invaded Duo. Pulling the boy close their bodies touched, an electric shock ran through Duo. It was then that Heero's sweet lips touched Duo's. Duo felt Heaven pull him into its cloudy world. His eyes closed as his passion and desire took control.


	8. Epilogue

"Thoughts And Feelings" Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's wonderful character, they are owned by some rich guy. I also don't have any rights to the song "Who Want to Live Forever" by Queen.  
  
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That was the first afternoon they spent together and the last they spent alone. The happy years just flew by. It wasn't until Duo's long luscious brown hair turned a pale gray that they realized they would not live forever. One late afternoon Heero's heart finally ceased its beating, and his breathing finally came to an end.

  
//There's no time for us  
There's no place for us  
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away from us  
Who wants to live forever?  
Who wants to live forever?//

Duo laid alone in the large double bed. The bed he had once shared with the only person he could ever love. Now that person was gone. His mind went back to all the times he and Heero shared. To the times most happiest in his life.

  
//There's no chance for us  
It's all decided for us  
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us  
Who wants to live forever?  
Who wants to live forever?  
Who dares to love forever?  
Oh when love must die//

Soon Duo felt his own heart giving out and his breath grow shallow. He was now to die. Would he join his beloved? Or would he have to suffer for all eternity without him?

  
//Touch my tears  
With your lips  
Touch my words  
With your fingertips  
And we can have forever  
And we can love forever  
Forever is our tunic//

Just before death over took him Duo felt a pair of ghostly soft lips touch his tear stained face. 'Oh Heero have you come to guide me back to your side.' His eyes closed, his breathing stopped his heartbeat no more. Now he too was gone.

  
//Who wants to live forever?  
Who wants to live forever?  
Forever is our tunic  
Who has forever anyway?//

No one knew or still knows why Saint Peter allowed Duo to enter through the pearly gates. As they pulled each other into an embrace they knew that this time they would have many eternities together and never have to be afraid to be apart. That night in the sky new stars appeared, only no one could see their grand design, of true love in this life and the here after.

~Owari~


End file.
